Oy, am I thirsty.
Sorry, I can’t help you.
Oy, am I thirsty!
I can’t help you. You’re in line to vote.
Oy, am I thirsty!!
Sorry, lady.
But you’re literally holding a large bottle of water.
It’s the law.
But I’m pregnant!
So I’d be breaking the law twice. No can do.
But it’s just a fetus. It can’t vote. It doesn’t even have hands, yet!
Get a clue, lady. Hand development begins at week six. Voter fraud is real.
But I’ve been here for four hours!
Yeah? Well I’ll be in jail for a year. No way, José.
Then can you maybe sell me the water?
Sure thing. Just pay me 1K…

originally published 1/13/2015

First off, please don’t take this as a rant against Obamacare (or in this case, Romneycare). This is simply meant to expose the stunning lack of UI/UX know-how present at the offices of the Mass Health Connector and to provide suggestions for ways to (easily) improve the overall user experience.

The Mass Health Connector required existing members to reapply for coverage at the end of last year due to the fact they redesigned the website. Rather than complain, I took this as an indication of improvement, since the previous website was all but unusable. A little strange…

This is My Story.

In 2018, I received a call from President Trump. He said, “I’m going to need some help with this Canada brain test they gotta give me because of the extreme radical left. I’m calling on you because you’re the best there is. You got me through those SATs and into Wharton, now get me out of this mess.”

I said, “But those were the SATs. And that was a half a century ago. Times have changed. I’ve changed. I’m not such a good test-taker anymore. At least not since I got over COVID-19.”

“That’s not what I’ve been hearing,” Trump…

For preventing the grandparents of America,
from being a burden on their children or country
in the time of Coronavirus,
and for making them beneficial to the public.

It is a frustrating sight to those, who quarantine or self-isolate in their home-quarters, when they see the streets, the stores, the Starbucks crowded with elders walking through their town, standing in groups of three, four, or six, all in close proximity, like children, laughing and even shaking hands without fear of infection or concerns for the consequences of contagion. These grandparents, instead of heeding the warning of honest “fake news” sources…

“By clicking register below, you are acknowledging that an inherent risk of exposure to COVID-19 exists in any public place where people are present while simultaneously holding in your mind the real truth of the matter which is that COVID-19 is a hoax perpetuated by the Democrat left intended to sow chaos and ruin the President’s chances of reelection in November which we should ride like a cowboy since we are so close to a vaccine even though we have it totally under control and have pretty much shut it down and everything’s going to be great and it is…

The First Eighteen Minutes of Every Passover Seder Held Over Zoom

Hi, nana! Hi, papa!
Everybody’s here. Let’s go ahead and start.
Can anybody hear me?
Look, everybody’s here!
I can’t hear you, Becky.
We retell the story of Passover every year
I don’t see anyone.
Look at your table, so lovely…
to remind us of a time
We got everything but the shank bone.
Hi, Becky! Hi, Kim!
Emily, you’re upside down.
when our people were
Who can find a shank in quarantine?
You keep breaking up.
I don’t have a Haggadah.
No silly backgrounds, Neumanns.
Noa made our shank out of clay.
to the Pharoah
Look how realistic.
Saul, can you mute? The dog.
She’s so smart, that one.
How do I make it louder?
in Egypt.
We’re enslaved now!
How do I see…

Urinals and Usability in the Upper Peninsula

I’m not making this up. I was really in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan recently. Specifically, in the restroom at the otherwise pristine Pentoga Park, when I encountered the subject of this installment of The UX of UP. I was repulsed at the sight for a number of (presumably obvious) reasons. But I instantly realized the silver lining: this bathroom break would provide an opportunity for more lessons in UI/UX.

1. Avoid placing disparate objects too close together

Obviously, the thought of some random dude pissing a foot away from you as you’re trying to wash your hands is just…

UNESCO’s worried about Siri, but how’s about helping this girl?

To this day, girls worldwide are married-off against their will or trafficked into forced labor and sex slavery. They are forbidden from participating in politics, denied access to education, even raped as a consequence of war. In Egypt, laws discriminate against women with regards to inheritance, marriage, divorce, and child-custody. Further, 80% of girls 15–19 are subject to genital mutilation. Similarly, systematic discrimination in Saudi Arabia forbids women from obtaining a passport, marrying, traveling, or pursuing higher education without a male guardian’s approval. …

Maybe things are fine where you are, but in our house, the kids (three of them) constantly battle to gain Alexa’s favor. They shout over each other at the dinner table in an attempt to gain dominance and make their requests heard by the device. …

Steven Brykman

Writer slash comedian. In happier times, I was Managing Editor of National Lampoon.

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